Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize