I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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