when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
