I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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