After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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