I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
