So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
