Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
