i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
