No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
