Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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