btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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