Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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