I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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