I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize