This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize