i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
tell me about the eggs
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
