Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize