I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
