addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
