Welp...herpes.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Randomize
