I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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