First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We are all done wearing pants today
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
