oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
