Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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