He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
