i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
