we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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