I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
