bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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