i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I touched a dick in church today
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
