"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
