Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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