This is not my ceiling
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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