You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
