I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
