so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
