you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
