Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
