allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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