Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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