it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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