I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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