Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
