i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Randomize
