Old men and throwing up are my life now.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
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