Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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