He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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