I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
try to milk me bitch
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
