I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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