no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
