I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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