When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize