I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
