I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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