These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
