2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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