Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
