Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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