Ambien. No doubt about it.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Are my feet made of real feet?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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