if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
