oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
