I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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