i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
