his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
