he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
