i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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