So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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