If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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