Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize