I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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