wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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