i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
