I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
